There is no egg in the eggplant,
(The name eggplant, used in the United States, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada refers to the fact that the fruits of some 18th century European cultivars were yellow or white and resembled goose or hen's eggs.)
No ham in the hamburger (hamburger comes from Hamburg germany)
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. (apple is a fruit from a non-spiney tree, pineapple is a fruit with spines on it. Pine...apple..
English muffins were not invented in England, (yes they were)
French fries were not invented in France. (but french was spoken by the people that DID invent them)
We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly, (quicker than regular dirt..)
Boxing rings are square, (The name ring is an atavism from when contests were fought in a roughly drawn circle on the ground)
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.(but they look like pigs, and the name is thought to be derived from cabiai, the animal's name in the language of the Galibi tribes once native to French Guiana.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing? (because writers perform a specific task whereas fingers can do anything you want them to do
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? (no, because booth is a different phonological environment than tooth)
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn't the preacher praught? (again different phonological environment)
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat? (the two things refer to completely different ideas)
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital? (because recite refers the an act of speaking, in a play, which is called that because you perform as a character. In a musical recital, you perform using an instrument, or play that instrument. Different uses)
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways? (Parkway defined as either being lanscaped (as a park) being THROUGH a park, or set aside as a public park and therefore not open to heavy vehicles. A driveway is literally a way around your house you can drive through. You park (originally) because you are stopping your car in an area that is set aside for it to be parked on, and park as a verb is defined as "to enclose in, or as in a park")
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another? (because either way the conditions are so uncomfortable so as to be hellish)
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down (different references. Burn up makes the fire seem alive, as in it's eating up, or consuming the house. Burning down refers to the fact that when fire takes out the supports of a house the house collapses)
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out (no one really uses fill in a form for one thing, but you fill in the boxes with words as in take up the space in them, you fill out a form as in you complete it, just as someone who gets bigger, or more complete fills out)
And a bell is only heard once it goes! (goes?...rings? what exactly does this mean?)
English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all.) (Race here comes from the taxonomic meaning of the word, not other forms)
That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible, (out here meaning out from behind the clouds)
But when the lights are out they are invisible. (out here meaning extinguished)
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts, (because you're winding a physical mechanism)
But when I wind up this poem
It ends. (because when for example you wind up a spool of thread, you find the end of it)
Enough said.
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